From Now On
by tvdunlop
Summary: From If Not Now, then AU. Luby continues, trials, hardships, adjustments, love. Chapter 11, Abby thinks ahead to the future and how to help Eric while having her own family. Sorry it's been so long, please RnR it is great to have feedback!
1. A baby

This has simply been reformatted and three or four minor adjustments made. Also disclaimer, I own nothing, just borrowing for some creative writing.

"I decided to keep it," Abby's voice was steady, "I couldn't get rid of it."

Luka felt his world change in an instant.

"I want us to have this baby," her voice was steady and certain.

He sat down next to her and took her hand.

Later that day:

Abby snuggled into Luka's embrace, "we're going to have a baby," he whispered in her ear.

She felt a smile flicker across her face, "I know," she murmured back.

"I love you," his breath warmed her ear.

For the first time in her life she didn't feel like avoiding him, for the first time she didn't feel compelled to ignore him, "I love you too." They were a good fit now, which she knew.

"Luka, you are so good to me," the words came out in a rush, "why?"

"Because I love you Abby, it's that simple."

She hesitated, "I've never been loved like this before Luka."

He held her closer to him, "neither have I."

The next day:

Luka woke to hear the sound of Abby throwing up in the bathroom. He remembered how his first wife didn't want him around, but this was Abby.

He knocked, "are you okay?"

"Peachy," her voice came out and then the door opened.

She looked green, "I don't think I like this part," she admitted.

"Tea?" he offered.

She shook her head, "I just want to sleep more," she smiled at him.

"You're off today right?" Luka studied her form, she was carrying his child.

"Yeah," she nodded.

"I'll see you a bit later then," he bent forward and gently kissed her forehead, "Call me if you need anything."

Abby studied him, "Pickles and ice cream would be nice," she watched his face light up. "I'm on it," he announced and picking up his keys he headed out the door.

Abby watched him go feeling for the first time like she might be going somewhere in her life. She thought of the cleaning, preparing, and phone calling she had to do. Had Luka called his dad yet? Somehow she doubted it. She needed to call Maggie, oh God; she didn't want her mother with her now. She had just managed to set her off on her own. She sighed out loud, soon she would have a baby in her arms, and soon she would be a mother. She still remember six years ago, when she was pregnant, how terrified she felt. She didn't feel like that now, not this time. Abby knew deep down that this was her sign, the sign that this pregnancy, this relationship with Luka was meant to last. She was so grateful for his new role in her life, every time he walked towards her she felt happier. How had they not found this before? Abby didn't want to dwell on the past, what was important was that she and Luka were expecting and that they were blissfully happy now. She crawled back into bed grateful even for the morning sickness that made this wonderful new life a reality.

That evening:

Luka smiled at Abby's form standing near the stove.

"Did you have a good day?" his voice warmed her whole body.

She turned and his jaw dropped as his eyes twinkled.

"What?" she asked.

"You look…" his voice trailed off.

Abby studied him, "well?"

"Stunning," he finished looking truly amazed.

"Uh huh," she was skeptical.

"Ok I was going to say, positively domestic," he admitted.

"That's what it thought," she grinned playfully at him.

"It smells wonderful," he put his arms around her and she fried up the chicken.

"I thought I'd treat you tonight and for the next few months considering what you're probably going to have to put up with."

He laughed, "I'll set the table."

About twenty minutes later they were sitting down and enjoying their dinner.

"I don't want to call Maggie," Abby broke the silence.

"I understand," he did too. He'd been with Abby at the beginning when Maggie had first come to Country off her meds and going crazy. He still remembered the pain her actions had caused Abby.

"Whenever you tell her, I'll support you." He offered.

"Have you called your dad?" Abby eyed him.

He glanced up, "I didn't want to without talking to you."

"I want you too," Abby smiled at him.


	2. Parental concern

Couple of quick notes:

Thank you to all of you who read and reviewed. It means a huge amount to me that you take the time to give me feedback. For those of you who read and didn't review, I hope you are enjoying it.

I don't know how to speak Croatian, therefore while Luka's conversation with his father IS in English, it's not suppose to be

Disclaimer continued…

Later that evening:

"I'm nervous about calling my dad," Luka admitted as he dried the dishes.

"Why, because we're not married," Abby studied him.

"Yeah, that would be why," Luka smiled at her.

"Tell him I love you," Abby was glowing with the idea.

"I want him to meet his grandchild," Luka's mind traveled back to his father's joy at the birth of his two other children.

Abby took her hands out of the dishwater and dried them putting her arms around his neck, "he loved Marko and Jasna," she simply stated.

Luka smiled past his pain, "yes he did, and he'll love this one also."

"Invite him in the fall," she offered.

Luka gave her a gentle kiss, "thank you," he murmured.

"He's essentially my father-in-law and I've never met him," Abby said cheerfully.

"Okay, here goes," Luka moved towards the phone.

"Hello?" Luka smiled as his father's voice crackled over the line.

"Dad, it's me, Luka." He missed his father and always enjoyed talking to him.

"Son, it is good to hear from you, it's been a long time," his father's voice was both sad and excited.

"I'm sorry; I was calling to invite you to Chicago in the early fall," Luka felt the grin spreading across his face.

"Why is that son?" his father questioned.

"Well, Abby and I, you remember her right?" Luka paused.

"Ah yes, the woman who stole your heart," his father sounded slightly amused.

"We're together papa, and we're having a baby in September," Luka waited nervously.

"Congratulations son, tell me are you planning a wedding as well?"

Luka hated to continue, "This baby wasn't planned papa, we're taking things one day at a time."  
"The child deserves a stable home son," his father wasn't going to give up easily.

"Papa, please be happy for us, this child will be loved no matter what, and Abby and I both are fully committed to that."

"And what of the other children when it's older, they will know you are not married," his father would always be concerned about image and scandal.

"Papa, you do not know how Americans live, being in a relationship and having a child, that's not frowned upon here," Luka's voice was becoming stronger.

Abby glanced over at him as the volume increased. She wasn't sure what was being said, but she was beginning to think Luka had a reason to hesitate calling.

"I want to talk to Abby," his father switched tactics abruptly.

"Papa, please…" Luka wanted her to stay out of it.

"No, I will be nice," his father promised.

He held the phone out to Abby who stared at it, "Luka?"

"My father wants to speak to you," he said.

She took the phone, "Hello?"

"Do you love my son?" The voice was broken in English, but crystal clear.

"With all of my heart," Abby responded firmly.

"He has had his broken by pain," the older man sounded desperate to convey this.

"I know, I remember his early days here," she reassured him.

"Treat him well, love the child, I will see you in the fall," his father hesitated, "always love him child. Love my son."

Abby felt tears welling up, damn hormones, "I will sir, I promise."   
"Tell Luka I love him and I'm proud of him," the line went dead.

"He says he loves you and he's proud of you," she placed the phone down.

"He couldn't say it to me," Luka felt hurt.

"He told me to love you, and the child, and he'd see us in the fall," Abby studied his form.

"He is coming?" Luka looked up.

"Yes," she leaned down and kissed him.

"I'll finish dishes," he said, "You need rest."

She straightened, "you're coming up soon?"

He nodded, "In a few minutes."

"I should call Maggie tomorrow," she didn't look happy.

"We'll survive that together, I promise," Luka looked more confident now.

Abby pulled on her light nightgown and crawled under her covers. Luka's father had sounded very happy, but yet so worried about his son. Abby knew that Luka had suffered for years from the trauma of his previous loss. How he had moved on she didn't know. He had emerged, like she had, stronger and prepared for a new life. How odd that they had found it together again. She had never imagined after the hurtful insults and angry accusations that they could ever be together. Yet here they were, he here was in her home, washing their dishes. They were bound together now; they were going to be parents. Luka, she could hardly believe this man was there for her now, every day. She vowed that this happiness would last, she had never felt this content. It was a contentment deep inside her that she wasn't going to relinquish anytime soon.

Luka sighed as he finished the dishes. He knew his father had mentioned his previous loss. His dad had seen him at the lowest points of his whole life and worried day after day that he would lose his eldest son to suicide and heartbreak. Luka had left as soon as he was able, and although he'd been back, his father still worried. In the years following he'd been with many women and none of them held a candle to Abby. She had remained a friend somehow even after their nasty breakup and he thanked God for that. Luka had bonded with Sam, but ultimately that wasn't meant to be. Now he was with the woman who had truly stolen his heart. He remembered talking to his father shortly after he met Abby and his father had made the comment, "you sound in love." Luka hadn't responded then, but now he knew how right his father had been. He hoped Abby hadn't been upset by anything his father had said. He decided instead of wondering to ask.

"Abby," he whispered.

"Come to bed," she said gently.

He lay down next to her, "did my father say anything hurtful?"

"No Luka, he only mentioned your previous loss," she was calm.

"If you need to ask me anything, ever, its okay," he wanted her to know.

"I know Luka, I love you," she was falling asleep.

He changed and curled up next to her his hand on her slightly rounded belly.


	3. Feeling Down

Chapter 3: Feeling down

Luka arrived home and saw Abby sitting at the table looking tired.

"Is everything okay?" He quickly knelt down next to her.

"Yeah, it's Eric, he's off his meds," she smiled weakly at him.

"How did you find that out?" Luka rubbed her arm soothingly.

"I called Maggie to tell her about the baby," Abby's eyes lightened a bit.

"I'm guessing that went over well," Luka returned her expression with a happy one of his own.

"Yeah, she was really excited; she wants to come visit us. I told her she can, but that we were still settling in and we'd probably want to wait a bit. She sounded fine with that," Abby herself sounded relieved.

"But Eric," Luka prompted.

"She said he showed up about a week ago and she could tell he was off his meds, he hung out for a day and then vanished. She hasn't heard from him since."

"Abby he's a grown up man, he's going to be okay," Luka watched her face.

Abby struggled with her annoyance, Luka was a wonderful man and she wouldn't risk their relationship by getting angry with him. That was what had driven them apart in the past.

"I know, but it's just scary, I mean he's a grown man but to me he's still my little brother," she glanced at Luka, "I used to make him pancakes and tuck him in at night when I was twelve years old Luka. I'm used to being his mother, I mean Maggie is his mother now, but when she wasn't around it was all about the two of us. I know what I meant to sooth his nightmares and make sure he had the right dose of children's medicine when he was sick."

Luka nodded getting it more now, "you've grown up worrying about him," he said softly.

"Yes, and now just am I'm starting a family of my own, my own childhood is coming back to haunt me," she looked at him for reassurance.

"I chose to have this baby and our family because I felt like I'd moved on, Luka I can't get dragged back into this. Then I started thinking about our child and what if it has…"

"Shussh," Luka pulled her into his chest, "Abby, I know things are completely overwhelming right now and that you feel like you're not in control of anything. I feel for you I really do. But right now, you have to think of your baby. This baby isn't Eric, nor is it Maggie's baby, it's yours. You can give it your full love and devotion. The time of taking care of Eric, of picking up after Maggie is done. You are no longer responsible for them, and it's time you allow yourself to give that up. I know it's ingrained, but you have nothing to do with their immediate life anymore. You can be there for them, but you have to be here with me and our baby now Abby. We're your life and I want you here with us too."

Abby nodded, "I just don't want our baby too…"

"I know," Luka cut her off again feeling her shudder against him.

"I know you're frightened," he continued, "but I also know that no matter what we'll love this baby and get it the help it needs. You and I are going to be in this together. You're not a single parent Abby and you're not a young child with no one to depend on. I'm here Abby; I'm not going to let you face anything that comes along alone; good or bad."

She pulled away, "I never thought I could feel this happy or this safe Luka, no one has ever promised to be there for me in a way I thought I could trust; not even my dad."   
Luka studied her face; she'd never once talked about her dad to him.

"What do you remember about your dad?" he asked wondering.

"I remember him a little from when I was young," she admitted, "but he couldn't stand Maggie's mood swings. He tried to keep Eric protected, but I was too old and too involved. He was tall, handsome, exactly Maggie's type. I think they were even somewhat happy when they were together and she was on her meds. He didn't understand the disease though, he didn't have patience, but looking back I can't blame him, I barely had any either. I was seven when he left. He kissed me goodbye, I can still remember the look in his eyes. I knew he wasn't coming back. I haven't seen him since."

Luka kissed her gently, "I think we're going to change the family methods in your family," he teased lightly.

"We'd better because this child isn't growing up like I did Luka. I don't want us to be unhappy."

"I'm not unhappy Abby, it's been a long time since I've felt this much hope for my future," he looked into her eyes.

"Maggie is going to want some help with Eric," she looked down.

"We'll deal with that in the morning, I brought home Chinese for dinner, let's eat and then watch a movie and we'll start fresh in the morning." Luka watched her face carefully.

"Okay," she stood and he stopped her in her tracks placing his hand on her belly.

"I can't wait to feel our baby," he felt a smile break out.

Abby stared at his face, she'd never seen him this happy. His smile made her weak at the knees and he noticed the look on her face.

"What?" he asked gently.

"Your smile, I've never seen it this much. It makes me weak at the knees," she admitted.

Luka raised his eyebrows, "Did it always?"

"Yeah," she blushed looking down.

"I feel the same way about you," Luka whispered, "My father knows you as the woman who stole my heart away."  
Abby's head snapped up, "you were the only one who ever really had mine," she said.

"We're going to be just fine," he said pulling her close, "just fine."


	4. Maggie Arrives

Chapter 4: Maggie Arrives

Abby woke to pounding on the door and her name being shouted.

"It's Maggie," she whispered.

"I'll go," Luka offered quickly eager to protect Abby from whatever was going to happen.

Abby felt guilty about letting him go, Maggie was her mother. On the other hand, dealing with her was so unappealing.

"Maggie," Luka opened the door to reveal a tired and worried woman.

"Is Abby here," she pushed her way in.

"She's not to be disturbed, she needs her sleep. Maggie, you promised to wait until we were settled in," Luka tried to be patient.

"Her brother is missing," Maggie snapped at him.

"She knows Maggie, but she is no longer responsible for finding and caring for him. You can't depend on her to pick up the pieces anymore. He'll be found Maggie, but Abby isn't going to do it for you. I won't let her anyway, she needs rest, she needs to focus on her future." He looked her straight in the eye.

"Luka," she hesitated.

"Would you like a cup of coffee," he offered finally.  
She nodded and he made two cups.

Abby actually fell back to sleep and when she woke up she heard two quiet voices downstairs. She was surprised that Luka had talked Maggie down and curious as to what was going on she made her way downstairs.

"Oh there are my girl and grandchild," Maggie looked up with a smile.

Abby met Luka's eye and returned his reassuring smile.  
"Hey Maggie," Abby couldn't quite call her mom.

Maggie stood and walked over to Abby, "can I feel?"

At Abby's nod she placed her hand on the slight swell, "Oh sweetie, I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks mom, what are you doing here?" Abby would never be able to be completely happy about seeing her mother.

"I," she glanced at Luka, "I was coming through town on my way to NY where Eric told me he was renting an apartment."

Abby was surprised to hear her mother sounding so logical, "Mom, are you sure he told you the truth?"

"No, but I need to start somewhere," her mother looked determined.

"Are you staying the night?" She was almost afraid to ask.

"No, I'm actually on my way, I just wanted to wait until you woke up," her mother hastily stood pulling on her coat.

"Thanks for stopping in," Abby couldn't believe how smoothly this had gone.

"I'll see you kids soon," Maggie made her exit quickly.

"Luka," she turned to him, "What did you say to her?"

"Nothing," he had a Cheshire cat grin on his face.

"You look like a cat that swallowed a canary," she told him.

"It's an expression," she clarified seeing the look of confusion on his face.

"I'm just happy everything was smooth," he confirmed.

"You aren't going to tell me what hand you had in it?" she eyed him.

"Are you implicating me in this?" he looked surprised.  
"I certainly seem to be trying," she couldn't believe he would have said something to Maggie that would have had that much of an effect.

"Let me make you something to eat," he turned to the stove.

"Luka," she knew she sounded firm this time.  
"Abby, it went well, isn't that enough?" he looked slightly annoyed.

She suddenly sensed that this was what he wanted, her content with the outcome and nothing else was really important.

"Of course Luka, thank you for that," she hesitated, "scrambled eggs with ketchup would taste great," she smiled.

"Coming right up," he opened the refrigerator door.

Later that day:

"How's Abby doing?" Luka turned hearing Neela's voice.

"She's doing great," he responded with a smile.

"Is she coming in today?"

"She starts at four," Luka nodded.

"GSW to chest, two units of O neg in," he turned as a gurney rolled through.

"Let's go," he stepped up next to it, "Exam 1."

Twenty minutes later:

"Time of death, 1:22 PM," Luka removed his gloves.

"He was so young," Neela studied the thirteen year old boy.  
"I know," Luka could hardly look, it reminded him of the dangers in the world his child would soon be born into.

Abby arrived at four on the dot. "Hey Neela," she smiled at her friend and it slipped off her face when she saw the gloomy look.

"What happened?" She worried.

"We had a young GSW come in this afternoon, Luka was hit pretty hard by it," she responded.  
"He died?" Abby questioned.

Neela nodded, "Luka's in the lounge."

"Luka," Abby entered.

He was standing with his arms around her almost instantly.  
"Shush, I'm right here, it's going to be okay," Abby said soothingly.

"I can't believe the world sometimes, the dangers it has. Our child…" his voice trailed off.

Abby felt her worry rise; Luka was often closed off about his emotions. Although she was happy he was sharing, she also worried about his state.

"It reminds me of how helpless I felt when my children died," he whispered.  
"We're going to do our best to keep our child safe Luka, it's all we can do," she rubbed his back.

"I love you," he murmured in her ear.

She squeezed him tightly, "you should go, and your shift ends in a few minutes right?"

He nodded, "I'll make dinner," he picked up his coat.

"Don't stay up, I'm on till eleven," she said.

"See you at home," he walked out.

Abby watched him walk out of the ambulance bay. Luka Kovac was a mystery to many but Abby was starting to feel like she understood him for the first time. Her life had been filled with difficult relationships, her mother going crazy, her father abandoning her, her brother looking to her for comfort when she was a mere twelve years old. Then she had the awful and pathetic excuse for a marriage, more Maggie issues, the abortion, the cheating ultimately ending in the termination of her marriage. Then she had a failed relationship with Luka, a challenging one with Carter, her smoking, her binge drinking and alcoholism. This was her new start she realized. The man who was walking away from her at this moment would be waiting for her to come home to him. How she'd longed for this in her life before. She'd longed for a home, with a loving man. Luka was that man, she knew now without a doubt that he was the right one for her. He'd always been the right one, but the timing hadn't worked out for them. Abby sighed turning back to the desk; he was the one who completed her.   
"Abby," she turned.

"Hi Kerry," she smiled at her boss.

"You look great," Kerry studied her.

"Thanks, I feel good," Abby confirmed.

Kerry moved on her way, and Abby once again was struck by the feeling that her life had changed so much in the past month and for once she couldn't imagine anything better.


	5. Stressful Times

Just borrowing for creative uses

Thank you for all the kind reviews, it's wonderful.

Chapter 5: Stressful Times

"Any news on Eric," Abby sighed listening to her mother's frantic voice.  
"No, they said, I mean they don't where he, he's maybe in the, they can't give details, I don't understand why not, I mean he's my son," Maggie's voice came over the phone and Abby held it away from her ear forcing herself to remain calm. She had been feeling sick so Luka had asked Pratt to cover for her which he had done willingly. This was the third time this month and she had made a note to bring him cookies.

"Mom," she stopped Maggie's rant by calling her mom.

"Abby, please, I don't know what else to do," her mother's voice brought a pain to her head. Eric was no longer her responsibility.

"Mom, call the hospitals, see if they've found anything. Go to his house, find out if he was taking his meds, check for notes, check for his calendar, check his address book," she said.

"Abby, I need help doing that," Maggie sounded at the end of her rope.

"Fine, listen, send me some things, and I'll look at them," Abby offered.  
"Why don't you come home for a few days," Maggie sounded hopeful.

"No," Abby was surprised at her own tone.  
"Why not?" her mother sounded hurt.

"It won't work out that way mom, I need to be here with Luka," she knew that now. Luka was her home and she belonged here.

"Abby I need you," her mother argued.

"No mom, my baby needs me, I need Luka, I have a new life mom and I need to have it take the front role, my family here comes first. If you need help, I'll do it from here, otherwise, please keep me posted."

"Fine, I'll send you some things," Maggie hung up and Abby rolled her head in a circle. God she hated those conversations.

"Are you alright?" Luka had entered carrying bags of food and stopped seeing Abby's tired expression.

"Maggie's running into dead ends, she's freaking out," Abby shook her head reaching for the plastic bag with the ice cream.

Luka snatched it away, "No you can't eat that yet," he admonished.

"Fine, let's cook then," Abby flipped on the oven.

That night she was lying next to him wide awake.

Luka rolled over and opened his eyes to watch her own open eyes.

"Abby, it's going to be okay," he propped himself up and moved closer.

"This is my family now Luka, I have to let go," she didn't sound sure.  
"I know it's hard, but Eric will be okay," he tried to reassure her.

"I love you," she looked at him.

He felt his heart swell; Abby had a hard time opening up. However in the past few months she had thrown herself into their new life with a passion.

"I love how you love me," he leaned in for a kiss.

"I love you too," he touched her face gently.

"Sometimes I still wonder how this worked out," she admitted.

"I think we found each other at exactly the right time," he told her.

"I know, but I feel we wasted all these years," she confessed.

"No we didn't, we weren't ready then Abby, remember?"

"I do," she didn't say anything else. She remembered the hurtful words, the accusations.

"I'm sorry," he apologized reading her face as it remembered that painful night they ended their unstable relationship.

"Luka, I'm glad we've moved on, I really want this life, I think I've been waiting for it for my entire life," she whispered.  
"You have it, you have me, we have each other," he stated firmly.

"I need you," she said clearly.

"I need you too," he reassured her.

"This baby's going to be okay Luka, and so is Eric," she sounded so tired.  
"Why don't you sleep Abby, we can face tomorrow together," he began massaging her face gently.

"That feels good," she whispered her eyes slowly closing on their own accord.

Within minutes she was asleep.

The next morning Luka left Abby sleeping and went to work his heart full of hope for their future.

Abby was bored; she had watched TV, read a book, gone for a short walk and cleaned the kitchen. She knew that Luka had gotten her off her evening shift, another batch of cookies, this time for Kerry. Her mood swings were getting a little absurd, she had been so stressed with Eric's vanishing act that she wasn't sleeping well or resting fully.

She knew that Luka would be home soon and she was tired of wishing for food.

"I'm home," his voice came up the stairs.  
"Thank goodness," she shouted back.

"What's up?" he stood in the doorway.

"Your child is making me hungry," she declared.  
"I see, well lucky you I brought food," he smiled at the sight of Abby sitting on her bed looking at him with a pout.  
"When can we eat?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Now, it's Chinese," he was shocked at how quickly she made it past him and to the top of the stairs.

"Damn, I have to pee," she turned abruptly and almost ran him over.

He jumped out her way and shook his head as he walked down the stairs.

By the time she made it down he had everything set out.  
She sat down and jumped right in.

Luka didn't eat much at first he was watching her so intently. She was certainly hungry, but she was also looking more tired than usual.

"Are you feeling alright?" he asked.

"Fine," she didn't look at him.

"You need rest," he observed.

"Luka, I've been in bed all day," she argued.

"Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

She nodded as she chewed and Luka went back to his food.

Abby made her way up the stairs refusing to believe that something could be wrong. Luka had been hard to lie too, she was sure that he picked up on her tiredness. Suddenly a sharp pain hit her and she cried out. Luka dropped the dish rag and sprinted for the stairs. He found her crumpled at the top and whipped his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed 911 cradling her in his arms.


	6. Long Day into Night

Chapter 6: Long Day into Night

Thank you for all the reviews; sorry about the delay, midterms and papers are upon me. Enjoy!

Abby woke up feeling groggy and she instantly focused in on Luka's worried face.

"Luka," she felt like she was going to choke.

"Shush, you gave us quite a scare," he managed a shaky smile.

"The baby?" she felt a stab of fear race through her.

"You're going to be okay, the baby will too, but you have to rest," he brushed her hair back gently, "just sleep."  
Abby felt the darkness claim her again and she failed to see the tear slide down Luka's cheek.

Luka's POV:  
She looks so fragile in that awful bed. We made it to the ER and Kerry was on duty, she took really good care of Abby and the baby will be okay. She told me that stress and probably just a freak case had caused Abby's blood pressure to shoot up and it had endangered the baby. Abby should have been on bed rest and I'm kicking myself for not taking better care of her.   
"Luka?" I turn around to see a very tired Neela smiling at me.

"She's okay," I whisper looking back at the woman that I've fallen so hard for.

"Kerry told me," she hesitated, "the baby?"

"It'll be okay too," I don't think I could have gone on if our child had been taken from us, it's given me a whole new life, and so has Abby.

"Luka," she put her hand on my shoulder, "if there's anything I can do."  
I nod, "thanks Neela," glancing up at her I see the dark circles under her eyes.

"Are you alright?" I feel a spurt of concern for her.  
"Just fine," she smiled at me, "I'll stop by later," she makes a hasty exit.

Any other day I would have followed her, but not today, today I belong here first and foremost.

Six hours later:   
Abby's POV:

The baby is okay, I have to remember that, but Luka, oh he looks so tired and worn out.

"Luka," I hate to wake him, but I need to talk to him.

He's awake and at my side instantly, "You look better," he smiles at me taking my hand.

I know I must have scared him badly and I want him to know how much I love him. Suddenly I can't find the words, my eyes start watering and I'm struck, not for the first time, how much I've wanted this life. I have so much to tell him and I still can't figure out how to express myself. Why does he want me? What have I done to deserve such love in a man's eyes?  
"Abby?" he looks worried.  
"Luka I love you so much," finally I can speak.  
His eyes fill up with fear, "Abby, you're going to be fine," he looks stricken.

"I know," I tell him, "but Luka, this has made me realize how much I want to be with you, how lucky I am," I hope he understands this is not goodbye, but almost like a new hello.

He leans forward and as his lips touch mine a shiver runs through my body.

"Abby?" he pulls back.

"You still make my knees weak and I'm not even standing," I love watching his eyes twinkle.  
"You scared me," he whispered.

"I'm sorry," and I am.

"Abby, you're going to have to listen to me now, no more work, no more Eric, no more stress," he looks serious.

"Okay," I hate giving into someone else like this, but he does have a point and I feel terrible for putting him through this.  
"I can't lose you or this baby," and I see that pain briefly again.

"Luka," I touch his face, we haven't talked enough about his children and I don't want to push him, but at times like this his past still haunts him.

He breaks eye contact with me; "I have moved on Abby, it's just sometimes…" he trails off.

"I know, it's not easy," I want him to feel okay talking to me about it.

"Its part of who you are Luka, don't hide from me," I want him to share and open up to me.

"When they died in my arms, it was the most hopeless and angry I'd ever felt. The idea of having to go through that sort of loss again, Abby I don't think I'd survive," he looks so venerable.

"You have me, I'm not going to leave you, we're going to raise a wonderful family," I want him to know this.

"Abby, you have given me hope again," he needs me. He's admitting he needs me, now it's my turn, this time the words don't fail me.

"Luka, I've never needed someone like I've needed you. After my divorce I was so raw because I'd been hurt and screwed over by a man I'd pledged to love. The day I took the life of my first baby, it wasn't because I wanted to kill a life, but because the world it would have been born into would have destroyed it. I wasn't stable; I wasn't ready to love another person because I'd been so badly hurt by someone I thought loved me."

He's listening all the while caressing my hand, what have I done to deserve this devotion?

"I found you Luka, you showed me that I'm worthy of happiness and I've never felt so complete and at peace, you've given me the life I dreamed of Luka. Six months ago I didn't think it was possible to be so in love and so happy."  
He kisses me again and this time it's with such tenderness that I do start crying. This time as he pulls away he doesn't look concerned, just more in love than ever. These are tears of joy.

"We're going to take good care of you so that we get to meet a healthy and joyful baby."

I nod, "Neela's outside," he turns around.  
She enters and I feel a spike of concern for my friend, but she comes over with a small bouquet of flowers, "Hey."  
"You okay?" I ask her.

"I'm fine, how are you feeling?" she places the flowers on the table and smiles at us.   
"Luka has laid down some rules, but I'm feeling fine."

She nods and looks at me sternly, "I know you don't like following directions, but I'm going to make sure he enforces them and you follow them. I want to be auntie."

I love Neela; she's such a good friend.  
"Thanks Neela," I pause seeing Sam standing outside the doors.

"Luka," I don't mean to sound nervous but he turns and sees her.

"I should go," Neela makes a quick exit and Sam walks in at Luka's beckon.

"Abby are you okay? Is the baby okay?" She looks much worse than Neela.

"Yeah, we're going to be fine," I assure her.  
She looks relieved, "Is there anything I can do?"

"I think we're okay," I glance at Luka who nods, but he's watching Sam with uncertainty.

She pushed him away and I know she'd confirm that was a good choice, but after you've been with someone there's almost always a connection, I still even feel that with Richard and Carter.   
"Sam?" Luka is watching her like a cat. She jerks away from his touch and smiles at him, "Be sure to make her stay in bed, call me with anything you might need," she's gone before Luka can say anything.

He's worried, "go," I tell him.

He looks back at me, "No I can't," he's loyal, I know that.

"Luka, she's our friend and something's wrong, its okay, and I need to sleep more anyway."

"I'll be back soon," he kisses me quickly and stands leaving the room.

The good thing is that I'm not jealous; I'm just worried about her and Neela. I don't want to lose touch with my friends and I'm truly grateful they are trying to make things easier on me, but friendship is about sharing and having a shoulder to lean on, and I won't lose them by being an invalid, with that thought I fall asleep.


	7. For You I'll Do Anything

Okay, warning. Some of this is AU still, as in the baby stuff. However, now that ER is back on I'm using some of those plot lines…Neela/Ray, Sam and so on. That means there will be spoilers for episodes…

Abby Lockhart was bored. She had watched all the TV channels, had listened to music. She had cleaned up the kitchen, she had gone for a very short walk, and she had even resorted to sorting through old storage boxes at her old apartment. Now she was back home, that was what she considered Luka's apartment now, and she was going crazy. Just then the phone rang, "hello?"

"Abby, can I crash at your place for a couple of day?" Neela's distinct voice came through the line.

"Neela, what's wrong?"

"Oh it's just it feels weird living with Ray now that I'm married." She paused, "I haven't had time to look around much, but I think I should move out anyway."

Abby didn't say anything, Neela's point made sense, but her friend sounded distressed.

"Sure you know where the spare key is right?"

"Yeah thanks Abby," Neela hung up and Abby sighed. Just then the door opened and Luka walked in.

Abby rushed over giving him a kiss before looking at him expectantly, "did you bring food?"

Luka smothered his grin and merely enjoyed how his pregnant girlfriend glowed with excitement.

"Yeah, Chinese," he leaned in to give her a kiss on the forehead.

A few moments later Abby was no longer starving and focused on her breathtaking boyfriend, "So, how was work?"

"Alright," he didn't elaborate.

"You okay?" she stood and Luka stood with her quickly taking her plate from her.

"Sit," he turned away to wash it and put it in the dishwasher.

"Luka," she was the only one who could pronounce his name correctly, "what is it?"

"Just a long day, massive car accident." He didn't want to go on.

"You should have called me," she exclaimed.

"I don't want you near that hospital until our baby is born," he walked over to her and knelt beside her.

"What did you do?" Abby studied him.

"I told Kerry I didn't want you to work," he said softly.

"LUKA!" Abby felt a shot of anger and betrayal, "that's not your decision!"

"You're not going to make it, and it's best for the baby," Luka watched her trying to remember how much she hated doing this she was told to do. He hadn't wanted it to come out this way, but it had been almost a week since her hospitalization and she was due to work a six hour shift on Monday.

"Damn it Luka," she stood in a huff.

"Abby please, it's just until the baby is born." He tried to stay calm.

"Luka, I don't need you micromanaging me, it's my choice you took away!"

"It's not just you ABBY!" He glared at her.

She was surprised at his anger, "I'm sorry?"  
"It's my child also Abby, mine, and no matter what pain it may cause you not to work for a few months, I can't lose this baby and I can't lose you. You are stubborn, but so am I."

He watched her raised eyebrows lower, "I don't want you to work."

Luka felt her eyes boring into him, and he turned, "I need a shower." He did too; he needed to wash away the last twelve hours; the dying child, the pregnant mother who lost her baby, and the father who cried like a child when he was told his family was destroyed.

Luka was a man who could take a lot, but since the scare with the baby he realized that Abby and his child had given him his life back. He wasn't going to sacrifice that just to keep Abby from throwing a fit. She could hate him, but he knew that would slowly fade and he would still have his family.

He let the warm water flow over him feeling the memories of his first family assault him, images of blood, crying, the smell of ash. He stayed in for almost twenty minutes before getting out, wrapping a towel around his waist and heading back to the bedroom.

As he was drying his hair with a separate towel he sensed her coming up behind him and she gently wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Something happened today," it wasn't a question.

"I watched a father crumble as he found out his daughter died and his unborn child didn't survive," he didn't turn nor did he return her embrace.

"Life is going to throw the most awful unfair turns at people Luka; we both know that, you more than I." She waited for him to speak.  
"Abby, I have to know I did everything to keep you and this baby safe." He held her arms close to him as he continued, "letting you work there isn't doing that. If something happened to you, I wouldn't be able to live with that."

"You feel like you didn't protect them don't you," she whispered.

"Yes," he didn't explain.

"Come to bed," she murmured.

"In a minute," he responded.

He felt her gently leading him to the bed. She took a dry towel and ran it over his shoulders and head.

He closed his eyes and felt her hands begin to massage his shoulders with sweet smelling oil and he inhaled.

"Again," she whispered and he obeyed her sweet gentle voice.

Abby had never imagined giving comfort to a boyfriend, hell she hadn't ever done this with Richard. She almost laughed; it had been months since she'd seen that jackass.

She then dried her hands and stood in front of him slowly working her hands through his still damp black hair. "You have a few gray hairs, "she noted quietly.

"I'm an old man," he sounded sleepy.

He rested his head against her stomach where he could feel his child move and placed his hands on the back of her legs. They stood in the quiet until she felt him nodding off, "bed."

They fell asleep together peacefully. Luka's mind quieted by the knowledge that his baby was safe and the feel of his arms, they couldn't be any fuller, as they enclosed Abby in a haven where he could protect her.

Abby listened as his breathing evened. She knew his ghosts wouldn't ever leave and a few months off to give him peace of mind she could do. She would do anything for him and although she relished that thought, it scared her. For Abby, admitting that she loved someone that much was something she'd never done before. That was how she knew this was real. With that thought she slowly drifted off feeling her baby settle to sleep and Luka's breathe against her hair.


	8. Close exEncounters

Abby respected Luka's request and she didn't work at all. Instead she passed the time by reading articles in medical journals to educate beyond the ER. Luka worked longer days to make up for it and Abby resented that. One afternoon she appeared in the ER unannounced, Luka was in a trauma and didn't head her off so she made her way quietly to the locker room to pick up some papers that she had left there.

"Abby?" She turned at Kerry's voice.  
"Hi Kerry," she studied the woman wondering if she was about to get a scolding.

"I thought Luka wanted you to stay home," Kerry tilted her head somewhat critically.

"I left some things here," Abby responded.

The two women walked out of the lounge and Abby came face to face with her ex-husband.

"Richard," she managed to hide her shock.

"Abby," he studied her and his eyebrows rose when he realized she was pregnant.

"So you finally got yourself knocked up. I couldn't believe you didn't get pregnant when we were married, we certainly fooled around enough."

His words were meant to hurt and they did. Abby felt Kerry stiffen beside her.

"Do you want me to call security," she asked softly and Abby shook her head.

"Richard, can we walk?" She was surprised at her forwardness, but it felt like something she should do to put the past behind her.

"Sure," he hesitated and then held the door open escorting her out. She felt her heart pounding, "Richard…"  
"What is it Abby, I don't have much time here," his voice was curt.

"I was pregnant," she whispered.

"What," she could feel his eyes boring into her.

"I was pregnant once when we were married," she finally clarified.

"What happened?"

"I had an abortion," she waited for his explosion, but it never came.

"Why Abby?" He didn't say anything against her, but he clearly wanted to know.

"It was a whole lot of reasons," she said softly, "I didn't feel close to you, I didn't want to do it alone, I was afraid you'd leave me, I was afraid that the baby would be like my mom and I couldn't deal with that…" her voice trailed off.

"I'm sorry Abby," he sounded truly apologetic.

"I'm sorry too," she stopped walking thinking back to that day.

"Abby?" He stopped too.

"It was the hardest thing I ever did, I was so scared, but it was worse imaging myself alone, alone with a crazy child."  
"What changed," his voice prodded her.

"What?" she asked.

"Well you're keeping this one, there's no ring on your finger yet, what changed?"

"Everything," she met his eyes, "I found someone who I would die for Richard, someone who gave up everything to be with me and someone who wants me to carry and give birth to his child."

"I always wanted children with you Abby," Richard hesitated.  
"As you were screwing half the city," she was still bitter.

"He's faithful?" Richard sounded subdued.

"Yes," she said, "faithful and emotionally supportive."

"Is the sex good?" His voice was curious, not mean.

"Richard!" she was still shocked.

"Is it?"  
"Yes," she smiled, "in many ways."  
"We should get back," he turned and she followed suit.

Back at the hospital.

"She was here!" Luka felt a flash of irritation.

"She went for a walk with her ex-husband," Kerry said.

"Great," he muttered, just then he saw her walk through the doors.

"Luka," she hurried up to him.

"Abby," he said warningly aware of the man standing behind her.

"It's okay; I came to get something from my locker and ran into Richard. We just went for a quick walk, I needed to tell him about the abortion Luka, I needed to."

He studied her sincere loving eyes, "fine, I'm glad you're okay."

"I am," she assured him again taking his hand.  
"Luka Kovac," he extended his free hand to Richard.

"Richard Lockhart," he responded in turn.

"Go say hello to Neela, I'll call you a cab," Luka told her and Abby vanished.  
"I'm glad she has you," Richard said finally.  
"So am I," Luka didn't hesitate to admit it.

"We were terrible for each other, but I still can't believe she actually had an abortion." Richard was still in shock.

"She was going to get one for our baby too," Luka said.

"What changed her mind?"  
"She never said, she just said she couldn't do it," Luka said softly.

"I bet that was the happiest day you've had in a long time," Richard said finally.

"Yes it was," Luka agreed.

"Congratulations," Richard offered after letting out his breath, "I'm really happy for you both."

"We appreciate that," Luka felt as though a peace had been reached.

"I'm ready," Abby made her appearance again.

"Neela said hi?" Luka asked.

"I've got to go," Richard said hastily, "congratulations Abby and I'm really sorry about what happened with us. I wish you hadn't felt like you had to do it, but I'm glad you told me."  
"Bye Richard, thank you."

"Take care Abby, I mean it," he was sincere and then gone.

"Are you alright," Luka wrapped his arms around Abby.

"Yes, I'm alright, I'm glad he knows; now it's over."

"The cab should be here, go home," Luka opened the door outside for her and she slid in.  
"You coming home soon?" She peered up at him.

"By seven and I'll bring food," he promised.

The cap pulled away and Luka went back inside.

Abby sat quietly in the cab thinking about Richard. He was okay with it and best of all he knew. She always felt guilty about not telling him, but there was never a reason for her to share with him. He had been an unfaithful bastard who screwed her out of medical school. She hated his guts for so long and now she was free of him and she had moved on with Luka. It was so nice to have a family she could talk to and a lover who wanted to be with her. Eric was still missing and she had this urge to call Maggie, but she didn't want to know. Maggie would call or Eric would call.

She climbed up the stairs and went up to her room curling up on her bed; it had been a long day.

Luka arrived at seven thirty food in hand; he didn't see Abby and made his way upstairs. Just then the phone rang, "Abby Lockhart please," the voice came through the line.

"She's asleep, can I take a message," Luka asked.

"This is the sheriff Mills in Washington D.C, her brother Eric Lockhart was checked in yesterday."

"One minute please," Luka sat down next to Abby, "it's for you."

He watched her face grow fearful and then she hung up.

"What?"

"He's in a coma," she responded softly.


	9. Facing the Past and Present

Abby stared out the window, her flight left in a few hours and she wasn't sure what was going to happen. She placed her hand on her stomach thinking about her child. This was what she feared, years of taking care of a sick person. She would love it, she already did, but the thought of having a Maggie or an Eric scared her. Eric had woken up, but the suicide attempt was very clear. How would she deal with it when she got there?

"Abby," Luka entered the bedroom.

"Yeah," she responded softly.

"Abby, your suitcase is downstairs, are you sure you don't want me to go with you."

She wasn't willing to admit how badly she needed him, "I'll be fine, I'm only staying a few days until Mom can afford to get up there," Maggie had called her last night from Florida.

"What's she doing down there," Luka asked still leaning against the doorframe.

"Knowing Maggie just about anything," Abby was unable to keep the sarcasm from her voice.

She turned to stare at the father of her baby, he was breathtakingly handsome, his large figure casually tilted against the door with the shadows playing across his body.   
"What?" he asked curiously.

"Nothing," she turned away embarrassed.

Luka walked slowly across the floor until she could feel his presence right next to her.

"What?" he asked again gently.

"You," she whispered softly.

He remained quiet giving her time.

"I can't believe I'm this happy, I don't want anything to spoil it," she didn't look at him but remained watching the rain pound down.

"Eric will be okay Abby," his accented voice was reassuring but didn't sooth her deeper fears.

"What if the baby is like…" she was cut off.

"Then we'll take care of it together Abby, we'll love it, and make sure the baby has every opportunity and medication available. We'll show our child that she or he can still live a happy life," he put his hands on her shoulder, "and so can we."

"It's just so hard believing it could ever be easy," she admitted.

"I know," he didn't say more, she knew what she was facing.

"I'll call the cab, you should go," he finally said and she turned to kiss him.

"Call me when you get there," he waved her off.

"I will," and then she prepared herself to face the coming storm.

Abby arrived at the hotel she was staying at and the doorman put down the suitcase.

"Thanks," she gave him a ten dollar bill and he nodded, "let us know if you need anything else."

Abby grabbed her purse and headed to the hospital.

"Eric Wyczenski please," She stopped at the desk.

"Room 314, are you family?"

"Yes," she took a steady breath, they were family, "I'm his sister."  
"Abby?" the woman had a friendly smile.

"Yes," she hesitated, "how did you…"

"Oh Eric talks about you all the time, a med student, going to have a little one, congratulations."

"Thank you," Abby warmed to the woman more and more.

"Go on in," she nodded and Abby walked to her brother's room.

His pale and much thinner figure lay in the bed hooked up to machines and Abby forced herself to focus.

"Eric," she whispered.

"Abby," his voice was hoarse and she sat down next to the bed and took his limp hand.

"How are you," she studied his face.

"Tired, good to see you," he croaked.

"It's good to see you too little brother," she put her hand on his forehead.

"What happened," she studied him.

"I don't remember," he looked away.

Abby remained calm knowing this could be expected.

"Okay," she hesitated, "do you need anything?"

"No, just glad you're here."  
"Mom's coming," Abby finally said.

"She is?" he stiffened.

"I'll be here too," She promised, "we'll face her together."  
"Thank God, Abby all those times she was off her meds, that's me now isn't it?"

Eric's terrified face stared back at her and Abby felt her heart beat faster, "you're going to be okay Eric, there's almost always another chance. You've been given another one."  
Eric didn't say anything for a minute and then he all but whispered, "I used to hide when you two were fighting, I never knew what she was going to do."

"I know," Abby responded, she and Maggie had fought a great deal back then.

"I always depended on you, I don't want her here, especially if she's off her meds," he looked at her pleadingly.

"Eric she's our mother, if she's not on her meds, we are in a hospital," she pointed out and Eric actually laughed.

"Okay," he hesitated, "I'm sorry Abby."  
"For what?" she prodded.

"For doing what I can't yet admit I did," he didn't look at her.

"I forgive you," she meant it. His laugh stunned her.

"Eric look at me please," she met his eyes, "I'm so glad you're okay, really that's all that matters to me."  
"All this stress on you, Luka's probably not happy with me," he was agitated.

"That's what family is for, this baby is going to need its uncle," she said.

"I'm going to be an uncle," his eyes sparkled.

"Yes you are," she agreed squeezing his hand.

"I'm so tired," he lowered his eyelids.

"I'll be right here," she said and he slowly drifted off.

Abby waited until he was asleep before she let herself cry, she had called Luka and left a message for him but he was in a trauma. She picked up her cell and called him.

"Hello," her heart skipped a beat.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Are you alright," he sounded worried.

"I'll be fine, Eric is awake and talking. He's so scared Luka," she fought her own tears.

"Abby just say the word and I will be on the next flight," he said.

"No stay there for now, its quiet here until Maggie comes."  
"I love you," he said finally.

"I love you too," she hung up feeling calmer.

She had dealt with Eric and Maggie her whole life, it was time to come to peace with her own family before her baby arrived.


	10. Reaching out

Luka paced in the kitchen nervously. He knew Abby was there alone with Eric, that she was pregnant and that Maggie was due to show up at any minute, possible not medicated. This combination wasn't good, yet Luka hesitated at the idea of showing up unannounced. He could call, but Abby would probably tell him not to worry and that she was fine with the two of them. He knew her well, but he really didn't think she would appreciate him ignoring her wishes. On the other hand she had sounded stressed and maybe his presence would help her with that, the baby was more important than how Abby felt about his presence. Luka groaned rubbing his face with his hands. There was no way to know.

Abby was watching Eric when she heard loud voices in the hallway.

"I'm his mother I have a right!" The voice was piercing loud and Abby cringed.

"Ma'am, you have to calm down," the nurse sounded patient, but there was an edge to her voice.

Abby forced herself not to scream and she made her way out of the room closing the door.

"That's my daughter there," Maggie was on top of her clinging to her seconds later.

"Maggie," Abby wanted nothing more than to be somewhere else.

"Ma'am I'm going to have to get the security to come if you can't let go of the poor woman," the nurse scolded.

"I am her daughter," Abby admitted and the nurse gave her an odd look, but she did leave.

"Thank God, Eric?" Maggie's eyes were wild and Abby felt all of her determination fade.

"Mom, he's sleeping, he's okay, but you need to have a seat and get some water," Abby was internally panicking. Maggie was not at all in a solid state of mind.

They sat in silence for a while until Maggie said finally, "I'm off my medication," it was a silent apology tacked on at the end.

"I know," Abby didn't know what else to say.

"What do I do?" Once again Maggie was looking to her for help, this was getting old.

"I'll get a nurse, wait here," Abby got up and went in search of someone to help.

She explained the situation to the nurse from earlier and then when her mother was escorted safely into the exam room Abby went to call Luka.

Luka stared at his pizza, he wasn't hungry. He jumped when the phone rang and picked it up, "hello?"

"Luka," there was a pause.

"What's wrong?" he couldn't stop the alarm.

"Please come," it was a surrender from her, but he didn't see it that way.

"Are you and the baby okay?" He had to know.

"Yes, Maggie's here, no meds," Abby didn't have to continue.

"I'm on the next flight," he was running upstairs as he spoke.

Nine hours later he rushed into the hospital with his duffle bag swung across his shoulders.

"Eric Lockhart," the nurse just pointed in the direction where Abby was emerging from a room looking exhausted.  
"Luka," she smiled with relief.

"I'm here," he pulled her close silently cursing her crazy family; they couldn't cope on their own so they kept dragging her back into the fray.

"Luka she's crazy and he did try."

"Try?"

"To…" she couldn't complete the sentence.

"Oh," Luka couldn't figure out how to respond.

"What do I do," She whispered desperately.

"Exactly what you are doing," he hesitated, "and I'm here to help."

Abby had just finished an exhausting reassurance session with Eric about Maggie's arrival when she saw Luka walking towards her and she felt weak with need. She needed his shoulders and as she fell into his arms the stress of the week bubbled over. He patiently calmed her, soothed her and rubbed her back. When she finally looked up at him, she noticed his worried eyes.

"I'm okay, the baby is okay," she received his gentle kiss that soothed her like being bathed in warmth.

"Bed now," he ordered and her eyes sparkled.

"Mr. Kovac," she pretended to be embarrassed and managed to get a grin out of Luka.  
"Haha," he kissed her nose before he continued, "you need a good night's sleep."

She let him take her to the hotel and put her to bed. He stayed until she fell asleep and then wrote her a note: Dear Abby, sleep as long as you need and make sure to order room service before you leave, I'll check the bill to make sure you did. I'm at the hospital and will call if anything comes up. Love you, Luka

Luka sat next to Eric's bed for about two hours before he woke up.

"Hey," the younger man smiled uncertainly.

"Hey there," Luka leaned forward a little to study him.

"Abby called huh, I knew we were going to be too much for her to handle." His eyes fixed on the ceiling, "we've always been too much."  
"She loves you both, she just needed a little extra support," Luka patted his arm and leaned back.

"She's here," Eric finally said.  
"You thought she wouldn't come," Luka was surprised.  
"Well no, more that she wouldn't be as organized and centered," Eric glanced at him, "I guess you have something to do with that."  
Luka shrugged, "we've both grown up," he finally offered.

"Well Maggie certainly didn't help showing up like that," Eric's jaw had clenched noticeably.

"We'll deal with her, you don't need to worry," Luka didn't want Eric to know how hard it was to deal with her.

"She shouldn't be here, Abby told me she was off her meds," Eric's voice remained brittle.

"Yes but she is back on them and she might stay on this time because she really wants to see you," Luka pondered.

"Well maybe," he sounded uncertain.

"Try to hope for the best," Luka urged.

"I have for so long, so has Abby, we're tired of getting let down," Eric swallowed, "she has you now to help offset that pain."

"And you have us," Luka said softly.

"Do I?" His eyes met Luka's and Luka glimpsed a desperation he had seen only a few times in Abby's eyes and knew so well.

"Yes," he replied simply and Eric's eyes closed as a faint smile appeared on his face.


	11. Planning for the Future

Abby woke up feeling refreshed and smiled seeing the note by the bedside. She ordered eggs with ketchup and a side of toast and gave an inward sigh because she had to avoid coffee. As she ate she pondered the last few weeks of Eric. Her mother was hopeless and Abby knew that deep down she couldn't save her mother. Eric was a different story; she had always saved her brother protecting him from the evils of the world and their mother. Now she was up against a wall because she wasn't sure she could save him from himself. She wanted so desperately to offer Eric a shelter in their home, if Maggie could be kept at bay by knowing Eric was with Abby that would help them both. Abby wondered what Luka's response would be. Just then she felt a flutter in her stomach and she froze. It was the tinniest movement, but it was there. Then she tasted salt on her lips and realized happy tears were pouring down her face.

She cradled her belly gently, even through it was still somewhat flat she could feel the sensation and suddenly it was real. Her family, all of them had to be her number one priority and Eric was going to be a part of her life if she could arrange it.

Luka watched Eric sleep wondering about his childhood, growing up with Abby as a sister and mother couldn't have been easy. He knew Abby did her best, but that child experience would scar anyone. Just then he heard a noise and turning, he saw Abby in the doorway looking happier than he'd ever seen her.

"What is it," he moved to her side.

"I felt the baby move," she whispered back.

Luka stared at her in disbelief and then placed his hand on her belly gently.

"You probably can't feel it yet, but soon," she assured him

He pulled her close to him and closed his eyes reveling in the fact that this was his life now. She leaned away tilting her head towards him with a serious look on her face.

"Is something else going on?" Luka questioned her feeling a touch of concern despite the happiness coursing through him.

She cast a glance at her brother and then pulled him into the hallway quietly shutting the door behind him.

"Luka I want Eric to come and live with us at least until the baby is born."  
Luka stared at her, "Abby?" He felt uncertainty rising.

"I know you're skeptical, but hear me out and then think about it for a minute before you respond," her voice was pleading and he reluctantly nodded relenting to her tone.

"You're at work these days and I'm going stir crazy, I know I can't do anything strenuous, Eric could help me out while you're gone and if something else happens with the baby he'd be around. He'd have a room, be away from Maggie who might even stay away if she's sure that he's being well looked after, and then once he's on his feet and the baby's born then he'll move wherever he wants."

Luka listened and was forced to admit silently it was not a bad idea when all was said and done.

"Abby, have you thought about the stress it might inflict on you?" He was worried.

"I know it won't be easy at first especially considering recent behavior, but I really believe it will become easier and he's never been a burden. Luka, I want him to be able to meet this child and be a real uncle. He needs help to heal and we can help him."  
"I don't want to share you," he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "but considering the benefits and that he is family, maybe we can give it a try."

She nodded, "thank you Luka, I'm going to go see if he's up."

Eric woke when she sat down next to him and he managed to offer a faint smile.

"Hey you," she took his hand, "how was your sleep."  
"Peaceful," he said, but his tone was heavy.

"Listen, Luka and I have done some talking and we have something we wanted to ask you," she hesitated, "Luka's at work a lot still these days and I'm at home alone all day. He's worried after the last scare about me being there doing stuff all day without someone around to help me set up the house, move things around, do decorating, carry food etc and I really need company. Also you're going to need recovery time away from Maggie and I think if you're with me she might stay away. We could give it a trial run and see if it works out and if you're not okay with it then you can move out wherever you want."  
She stopped talking to gauge his reaction. He tilted his head and studied her. For years his eyes watching her made her feel hopeless and yet determined. He'd looked to his big sister to survive and suddenly she was the object of his curiosity again. Flustered, she glanced down and adjusted her sweater before meeting his steady gaze.

"Is this a pity offer," his voice was pained and she felt a flash of sympathy for his situation.

"Honestly no it isn't, it just seems convenient for all concerned, but particularly considering the circumstances. It's not that we just want to keep an eye on you, but if I was around then if you needed anything I could also get you professional help quickly, get a prescription filled right away or anything like that. Think of it as the old days where we got each other whatever the other needed," Abby hoped she sounded as sincere as she felt. Eric had the tendency to be somewhat narrow minded when he got stuck believing one thing was true.

"I'll think about it, thanks." He sounded as though he meant it and Abby, recognizing that she was going to get no farther, stood up to leave.

"I'll see you later little brother, get some more sleep," with that she kissed his forehead and quietly left the room.

Luka walked over to her as she came out, "what did he say?"

"He seems to think it might be pity, but I hope he changes his mind. He did say he would think about it," she shrugged, "I'm going to give him some time."  
"Good idea, let's get you some more food," he put his arm around her shoulder.

"Actually I did eat," she grinned up at him.

"Really," he sounded skeptical.

"Eggs and ketchup," she teased.

His grin back at her made her heart leap and she felt a flash of pleasure shoot through her.

"I have a better idea," she knew she sounded husky, but she couldn't help it.  
His eyebrows rose, "really?"

"Yes," her eyes sparkled at him and he took her hand leading her towards the sidewalk to hail a cab.

On the ride back Abby found herself practicing a significant amount of restraint to not jump him right then and there. The silence was filled with a electric tension.

As they made their way into the room Abby began kissing him with a desperation that struck him deeply. She needed him, craved his touch and he caressed her trying to give her what she needed.

"Shussh," he slowed her frantic kisses and took her against his now bare chest.

Tears flowed from her cheeks and she shook against him. As her crying subsided he gently laid her down on the bed crawling so he was positioned over her.

Abby received his touches unaware of anything else and she gazed into his eyes feeling a sense of belonging unlike any she had ever felt before. Minutes later she felt herself spike into oblivion as he followed her shortly after. Later she curled up against him drowsily and heard him whisper, "I love you," as she drifted off to sleep.

"I love you too Luka," and she did with all her heart.


End file.
